Torment Trifecta: Tears, Terror, Turning point

This was the first time I was considering quitting Ironteam. The idea of going out and riding in the blustery rain, on the beautiful CLIFFS of Malaga Cove, for 40 miles was just about enough to send me over the edge. I was so scared of what could happen, anytime I told friends the rest of my weekend plans, I finished with the line "It's worth trying to survive Saturday for." If it weren't for the fact that I promised the babysitter that I wouldn't cancel (after wimping out on another Rainy Saturday), and knowing that biking is my worst sport in this Triathlon, I'd have called it a day. But when I got to the cove and they said, "The hills you'll encounter on this ride are very similar to the ones 2 weeks ago [You've got to be kidding me!] only longer [instantly burst into tears]!" Because I'm an irongirl now, I didn't actually burst into tears, but my eyes definitely became wet and threatened to spill over. Dang, why didn't I put on my sunglasses before the big talk?!

I looked across the sunny parking lot looking for an escape - maybe if I was lucky my bike would get stolen and I could quit right on the spot - but then looked back at the group I was standing in and when I realized that many of them were in the same emotional puddle that I was. My emotional humiliation would hurt worse than these hills would.

We started out on the familiar route which felt great - only backwards from the direction I was used to. It was fantastic seeing people from my Marathon team days along the route and we exchanged "Go Teams!" which gave me a boost! The rolling hills are beautiful along this route, and being in a large group, the cars were steering clear of us. We started our first small ascent near the golf course, passing through some random freezing cold patches (ghosts of previous Ironteam cyclists?!) and at the top, entered horse country. I had no idea how we were going to cover 20+ miles for our first loop and stay on Palos Verdes Dr. the whole time (just the East, South, whatever routes of the same street) because this was waaaay farther than we ever ran on that road. I was also in denial that we'd see such crazy hills because I had never encountered such hills while running. Perhaps (my denial preached to me), the coaches were lying and the hills weren't that bad.

A lot of the next 15+ miles were a blur, just riding along, trying to obey traffic laws, and enjoy the scenery. Then we got into a neighborhood and the ascent started. I put my bike into granny gear, which I believe one person said is not the best idea, but at this point, I'd do whatever it took to get to the top of this hill without stopping, crying, or falling, and work on fixing it later once I conquer one hill!

I settled in on a pace that was steady, comfortable, and only focused on the 10 feet right in front of me. Once I got to the horizon, I glanced at the next horizon, and the next, and the next, but returned my focus to just 10 feet in front of me. During the tough parts I kept chanting "Auntie Carole, Auntie Carole" who was a loved one to a friend of mine, who was recently lost to cancer. Her memorial was on this beautiful day, and I know she helped get me up those hills.

I'm fortunate, too, that fellow Irongirl Tracy and I have a comparable pace, so we encouraged each other up the never-ending hill. At one point, she took a little break and I told her I'd stop at the top of the hill. After that hill turned into the next, and the next, and still the next (really it was THAT big), I felt bad that I wasn't stopping, but I was on a roll, and stuck on making it to the top without stopping, surprised that I wasn't feeling bad, so I didn't want to interrupt that groove.

When I got to Crest Drive I prayed that this was the top of the hill and celebrated for a second before the challenge switched gears as we started

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down the back side of the hill! I am a bit scared of heights, and at the drop off point it was confirmed - I was at the crest of a very big mountain. I caught a glimpse of about 3 switchbacks below me, took in the view of the Harbor and knew that if I didn't pay attention, I'd be flying on the bike off the cliffs straight toward Catalina! I alternated between free-falling terror braking, seriously thinking I was going to slide off my bike towards my handle bars, and sheer exhilaration of the blue sky downhill thinking I'd better not smile any wider because my lips will dry out and bugs will crack my teeth upon impact. A Tracy blur flew past me at one point, and I did try to smile for the random photographer out on the hill because I'm determined to get one good picture of me on the bike not looking dazed or confused.

After that the terrain went back to primarily rolling hills. As my mind and body settled into a new groove, a few random thoughts flew in one ear and out the other: I didn't know THAT part of my body would hurt more than my legs; I need to learn to train with my mouth shut - although the coaches said if we're lucky we might catch a fish during our swim which is great fuel; I don't know if I can make it around the whole course for a 2nd round - ironically due to how tired my arms got on the downhill, not my legs; I can't believe there are so many dang Bruins riding out here at Malaga - note to self, get a USC riding jersey; what a beautiful day; I'm wearing funky thigh-high leg warmers; I've never been happier than this moment to see the lighthouse!

As I entered the driveway (victorious!) to meet the group, the sharp turn/ascent stopped me dead in my tracks and I almost didn't unclip in time, but I did! I walked the bike up and my celebration ended as we were again practicing changing tires. The goal here is to change the tire quickly and get back out on the course. I won't lie, I took some time with this, the bike helped, then peeled off my leg warmers, hit the girls' room. I was telling myself that I'd better hurry myself up because I had like four people in four places counting on me that day to be home on time, but I wasn't that eager to do the full 2nd loop. I asked the support (awesome volunteers) staff if there was a shorter route but the answer I got was "I got lost last time I did that and wound up hitting major hills!" Ack!

When I finally got to the mental realization where I settled on the fact that I'd be riding 40 miles, the coaches said "Y'all are doing a different course for the 2nd loop..." and a big sigh of relief was heard (or was it my deflating tire?).

We did another 10 miles on the bike to get us to 31+ miles and called it a day, on time, and in a GREAT MOOD! I had a great bike ride! I didn't fall, I didn't die going up or down the hills, I survived, I was still walking well, I had feeling back in all the numb parts (they happen anywhere!), and now I had a beautiful sunny day to enjoy after a week of relentless rain!

I packed a lot into Saturday, covered many more miles in my car, got to catch up with a bunch of friends, and got home and ordered pizza with the kids to celebrate a full but fruitful day. At 9:30pm, my switch flipped and I was going downhill so fast that I actually turned out the lights before my kids did because they weren't brushing their teeth fast enough.

What a difference 11.5 hours of sleep makes! The next day, as the fun of the Pinewood Derby wound down, I was trying to convince the kids to go for a bike ride. I shared my own cycling psychosis with my daughter who is going through her own struggles learning how to ride her bike! I told her how scared I was on Saturday but that I did it anyway and I felt so happy afterwards that I did! She said "Well you're bigger!" and I said yes, but that means I have farther to fall, and my feel are locked to the bike, I can't fly off and try to land standing. Myself and Menchie's (frozen yogurt) convinced her to give it a try. The goal was to have them ride while I run a steady 90 min. or more.

The run turned into fartleks - Run trying to keep up with the kids, slow down to push them through the sand-choked bikepath, stop and pick up Lauren, brush her off, kiss boo boos and REPEAT! Lauren fell way more than I ever did in one run and she kept getting back on, with a little persuasion.

As I tucked the tuckered out kids into bed, Carson told me that one reason he liked me for his mom was that I didn't used to be a runner, but then I became one and ran 2 marathons, and now I'm trying a Half-Ironman Triathlon! I said why is that, and he said because it makes him want to try big things! I told him it's true, no matter how crazy your dream is, you can accomplish it! His goal is to be the first man on Jupiter, but that because it's a gaseous planet he'll have to invent special shoes first so he doesn't just fall through the planet and back into space. Then he said that perhaps next thing you know, I may be trying a full Ironman! My response was, not til I can do one on Jupiter!