I was EXCITED that this was the week we were going to do it - beat Nasty Grade and complete Wildflower Triathlon! I was excited that training would be done, I'd be able to return to my normal life!
I was STRESSED OUT, I hadn't even started packing and somehow I'd get it all done by Thursday- Tri Gear, Camping Gear, Kids' stuff for their trip to Dad's, oh and while working and shuttling kids to baseball games and practice.
I was IN PAIN, the reason for waking up at 3am.
I was TIRED, partially due to the hour, partially due to the tapering we were doing the week before - less exercise and I'd been sleeping a lot.
I was CURIOUS, was this pain how my body was going to respond to taper? Somehow I'd avoided a taper cold, so perhaps this pain was my body's few last words before I challenged it like I'd never been challenged before that weekend.
I was FRUSTRATED that my body waited 'til the week of to go on strike.
I was SAD, while I was over the early morning Sat. wake up calls and the crazy non-stop training schedule, I would REALLY miss my Ironteam family.
I was HAPPY SAD, every time I pictured in my head just how amazing going through the finisher's chute at Wildflower was going to be, I'd almost start crying and what I'd accomplished in the last 6 months.
So all of these emotions were flying uncontrollably through my mind as I went to Dr. after Dr. Mon. - Wed. but I also got a few more crammed in there...
I was FIERCELY OPTIMISTIC that the Dr. would figure out what was wrong, give me the magic pill and I'd recuperate and get up to Wildflower
I was FRUSTRATED feeling like a hypochondriac because I have a high tolerance for pain, especially for the pains that come with no great big black and blue bruise to show for it. I felt like I was making a bid to do over nothing AND still didn't know if I should pack or not still on Tuesday night.
I was CAUTIOUSLY REALISTIC that the more Dr.s I went to, the more days that passed without normal eating - which is crucial the week before a race - I was realizing I was just adding more challenges to an already challenging race.
I was UNDENIABLY DEFEATED once they told me that I'd better drive myself to Cedar Sinai that day to get my surgery. I had a moment in the hospital where it finally hit me, but I didn't want them thinking that I was crying over my gall bladder, since I'm usually not that wimpy, so I kept it short.
I sat incapacitated with not a whole lot to do except for track the time... Now, they're driving up to the event... Now, they're laying claim to a plot of land for their tents... Now, they're doing a test run in the lake... Now, I'd be taking off... Now, they should be finishing.
At first I wasn't horribly upset that I didn't get to do Wildflower. I did the training weekend, which is more than many people. I found that the Craftmatic Adjustable hospital bed just might be more comfortable than sleeping on the ground for several days and then doing a half-ironman. People were trying to make me feel better about the whole sad ending and it (and the Vicodin) was working.
As my body started feeling stronger, and the surge of unused adrenaline was bubbling to the surface, I started to feel anxious. I wasn't even 2 weeks out from surgery and already I was ancy to finish this. I know what it entails and what will be involved if I sign up for my next one, but if I don't, it would disappear and after the 6 months of training, I didn't want it to disappear.
You don't bring out "Oh I trained once for a half-iron" at a party unless you actually finished it. How would I feel if I didn't overcome this setback and press-on to the finish line? Still, I was already feeling the stress of training on me and the family the last 6 weeks of training, I didn't want to be completely selfish. I knew I couldn't wait til October and sign up to try to break Wildflowers back again (at least not til my kids are old enough to do it with me) because we can't endure another 6 months of training.
But the fact that baseball was ending for the kids, there was another female-only, much flatter 70.3 the same weekend and at the same race where the Ironteam will be doing their FULL and in only 12 weeks, meant that I need to just finish this and put it behind me. AND it's a benefit race to raise money to fight cancer.
SO, I've signed up for the 10th Anniversary (also I love round numbers) Barb's Race http://www.vineman.com/Barb_s_Race.htm
There was one big obstacle that I had in my way. I, along with a handful of high school friends, have signed up to do the Nike Women's Marathon. Since it's our 40th birthday year (see, more round numbers) we decided not just to do the marathon but to do it for charity so the Poway contingent of this group has signed up to do it with Team In Training. Team Titans (alias: WTF - Women, Titans, Fearless!). We were supposed to have a big fundraiser the same weekend of the race and I'm hopeful that they'll forgive me for bailing on it to do the race - it's my gall bladder's fault!
So hopefully it's a lesson learned and that I'll grow from. When you get sidetracked from your goal, try tri again!
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